About to give up...

People are cruel, that is a given, the truth is that yes, a short story was a victim, but it was my name attached to it and I felt terrible for writing it. Most often times there are is a sense of regret to write a story about something I like, I am just not trying to let it get to me, but it made me question my worth as a writer.

I know it was a review from nearly 10 years ago, but it haunts me still.

I was terrified my former friend would know the truth. The fact is that after 2015, she was not so close to me, but I knew she was upsetting me a bit. The fact is that many people who get upset with me are the ones who think I might write something I regret in my own story.

I have no patience for some people and it was because of that that it gets me in trouble. I had a former friend who was homeless and he mooched off me as a friend and it hurt, I figured most homeless by choice believe as he does. I was angry and lashed out because people need to stop using others to get by.

I worked so hard and yet, I had a former friend who tore me a new one for actually using Obamacare for my medical issue and then was shamed for even getting sick. I was later told by others he has cancer himself and yet, he used the fact I did preventive cancer treatments as something cosmetic. I was furious and lashed out at people who seemed to believe that being sick was my fault.

Now as I write my book and I realized one thing that even if I publish, I could be expected to deal with these said people or person again. The most trying is that one of them acts as if in order to be friends with a person, one has to change for her benefit and no one else's. She also expected me to give up writing The Dragon's Library and write in a style that was not mine.

I don't understand the whole concept of making modernization when it benefits little to anyone when it is in the concept of writing. I write what I feel is needed and to have fun, the fact is that if it was work like some Ghost Writer, I would rather die. I am writing for myself and for fun, and people should understand. I never understood people who put down others just to make themselves look big, this is why I find people who tell me to grow up and that my concept of imagination is mentally ill.

I have dreamed of being a writer since I was little and yet, we have these so-called supporters of one group or other telling others to grow up or else. Since when has imagination been a mental illness? 

Unintentional going to con, NDK

Yes, I am a Colorado local and I attended Nan Desu Kan only from Sunday and did not intend much interest of it. I am usually interested in Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and novels, not much interest in Anime due to past drama inside their community. They seem to only focus on what is popular and not care about other's feelings and it kind of hurts when you have people who think that you are just a doormat to walk on.

The truth is, I had fun because there were a bunch of people who like the same kind of Anime I like, one being Slayers, Detective Conan, and a few others. I have been inspired as a writer when it comes to stories like these. Slayers reminded me of Dungeons and Dragons and sometimes even Legend. I wish some people would realize that I have a great love also for Detective Conan who is an amazing character who gets little to no respect in the fandom.

Truthfully, I would love to be a fan again and enjoy it, but after hearing about what happened to someone and a bunch of drama that followed, there is a reason I kind of want to stay away more. I will be cosplaying Detective Conan for fun, nothing competitive and I just think people who do something out of spite are immature. There are reasons that many people do not like us, we bring so much baggage nowadays.

I would much rather go back to NDK with the memories I have with the first time seeing models and also enjoying the artshow. That is the most honest answer I can give as M.M. Fenney the writer, the person who people wanted as a doormat kind of died, and she wants to just go back to being who she is. The writer in me will mention that as I see this, I want to go to see the models, the amazing artists and also the people in artist alley.

The sad news is my eyes are not always what they used to be and I have a cataract in one eye so seeing is the hardest part for me. So here I was talking to people and walking a con floor with a migraine from hell, and Aspirin does not work for me AT ALL! So yes, I am taking four tiny pills of aspirin to just function at a convention. Gee...I hope I can get this fixed soon.

So anyway with the con out of the way and I am ordering pictures, I will be ready for Daku Con, my panels are set.