Remembering Carrie Fisher

So I went to the movies, Carrie Fisher was someone I admired when I was a kid, my childhood was always something of a horror story to me, but her and Mark Hamill for whatever reason made me feel like it was OK to say, "I'm a Nerd, got a problem?" The truth is that I didn't know how much the woman meant to my childhood and my life, until she was suddenly gone from it, I never knew her personally, but all those times I looked on Twitter while I was recovering from surgery, she was posting some cryptic message that we had to solve in order to get what she was saying. It was kind of a comforting that she would post something so strange, yet the fact that when people complained about her age, she suddenly liked what I said about her.

"Carrie Fisher is like Fine Wine, only gets better as she gets older," I think that was what I posted and suddenly I get a like and the question of what I was drinking, kind of hard when you just had cervix surgery and on painkiller, but it was kind of nice to know someone liked what I was posting. I did not care really what some trolls were saying, she was the queen of just shutting a bunch of idiotic trolls up and making them realize she was not going to play their game.

The truth remains that if I publish, this no name author just decided to post one thing dedicated to her because honestly, one of my characters was modeled after her and truthfully, it fits, a really interesting character at that. I was adding her in back in 2016 and finally put her in the story just recently. Though Carrie Fisher and a few others are a mix of personalities, but I think Ripple the Vixen Mage is going to do just fine at the moment with that "I'm hard to understand," kind of mood that I was just happy to say, "Yeah, I was kind of watching Star Wars interviews when I was writing."

The truth is that I was asked if I wanted an actor to play a character, and I was joking when I said, well, Boyega would make a great Thadeus Belsom and Mark Hamill would make for an amazing voice for a dragon mage. So that is my two cents on that little goofy question in my writer's group. Not that Mark Hamill would voice a large overgrown fire breathing handbag who thinks that whole of my world is made up with crazy critters is worth a rescue.

Honestly though, when I think about my day today and that I just decided to walk around, I took pictures and spent my time wondering what I should do for 2018 and finalize my draft for editing. Gods, I'm still can't believe the first half of my book is almos finished.

Writing my ideas...

I took a week off from the book and had to rethink how to go about doing this because, in 2018, I'm going to make the official draft of the story and hand it to my fiance to edit. I'm going to also be working on the second half of the story.

Also, I'm going to be going to StarFest and Daku Con, I'm not planning anything else for that year, I'm kind of tired and want to start getting the story finished off. I have been paranoid but that's just me. I have thought about my goal of 1,000 books and wonder if I'm being a bit over the top. I know for sure that by 2020, I will read a 1,000 or more books and make sure that it is used to drown out all this discord.

I figured that reading is the best escape ever. The US is such a misery to live in at times, listening to racists who think that it is OK to do this. I really don't want people to think that my characters are related as racist characters. I drew out one character to show the dangers of religous zealots and also as a model of what a control freak is.

With the new Net Neutrality being dropped, I'm just hoping I still talk on here and still have the net.

Why do people persist I continue

After my last post, i was bombarded with people telling me to continue my story and not be turned off. The honest factor is, even if I continue, there is one underlying factor, one person who might dig it up and come up and demand money for it, Eryn. The truth is I do not speak about my own thoughts on it because I know she will demand money that is not rightfully hers to request.

The story in itself has nothing to do with her or even her family, there is no dark secret in there, other than the fact I know her family are White Supremacists who barely tolerate Pagans. They have spoken so coldly in the past of how they felt superior to others and frowned on Eryn's many ethnically different friends.

I have felt uncomfortable about dealing with their family directly after finding out the truth. I never wanted to tell anyone the truth about how I realized how bad it was. Her family seemed so nice and friendly to myself and her other friends, but deep down, you can tell there was a horrible nagging feeling that they really did not like us.

I am scared that the Dragon's Library could actually dig up old wounds, but in a case, maybe it should be finished. I am hoping that I can at least get my artwork and the world I built so largely to escape into. The more I think about it, the more I want to just dig in my heels and go, welcome to the Dragon's Library, and if you are so conservative to reject it, then guess what, there is a door! I am suggesting maybe I should write the rest of the story, publish and watch from behind the screen and see what happens. 

This might be the last entry

As fun as it is to write about my adventures in writing, but I have basically run out of story to write. As much as I can say something, Dragon's Library may never be published, I'm just not that good and it shows with the fact I lack the confidence to finish it.

As much as I want to finish the story, I can't...and for that I'm sorry. As much as I love to write stories about places that do not exist and about people who are amazing. I love Belsom, Quil'reca, Kel, Belinda and Dreselia, I'm just going to give up on this pipe dream, that's what it was. I wrote the story because I lost a good friend  that I thought would last me a lifetime, but she would have rather run away from someone who did love her to a DJ who falsely claims we went to school together.

I personally wrote a character or characters that were so close to my friends, I made up stories to tell people about an amazing library that was kept by a fantastic lizard who loved his books and magic, but what a fool I am to believe anyone would read something I would write. Truthfully, as someone who went through the US Special Education program, I'm not supposed to be having this creative of a mind, and I'm supposed to be institutionalized, at least that is what a teacher told me once. As soon as a Special Ed kid graduates from high school, we're supposed to go to the state run nut houses and be committed for being considered unsuitable to live, at least that was what I was raised all my life to believe. My mom did not raise me, the schools did and that having this kind of story in my head is for the mind of a madman.

The truth is, how can I write anymore about the Dragon's Library when my confidence is so damn low that I can't even believe I write anything amazing. I see all the great books in the world and I think I can one day be sitting there watching people reading something I made and enjoy. Each time I wrote about Dreselia, I never thought about money, I thought about his story, that something just had to be said.

The first thing I wanted was a library filled with dragons, just dragons in every bookshelf, filled and protecting the beloved books. I wanted to shut myself off from contact because I was hurt by this one friend so horribly that no one could break the spell. Then Angel came along and asked me to tell a story, to tell her about the great and magical library and I never could finish the story. I wrote it all down in notebooks, I have the real story just in my head still and I decided to stop writing it because it will just upset myself more knowing that even if I published, I might be laughed at or ridiculed.

The one thing I hated growing up was being ridiculed and made fun of, having all the stories in my head, writing them down and then having a teacher tell me that my idea was stupid. Being sent off to the special ed room because  could not keep up with what I was supposed to be doing and then being forced down to a subpar level and being told, "What do expect?" What did I expect? I don't know, maybe I should just tell people what I expect, to actually read my book and tell me that I'm not a total moron! I mean, honestly, I get called names like Snowflake, Libtard (which isn't a real word), and worse things now. To the point that maybe I have thought about just taking my own life and letting the library die with me, but my fiance keeps pulling me out.

I'm tired of the name calling the being treated like I do not matter in this world, I want to make a book that people want to read, that a fantasy fan can relate to. I want that one girl who looks at Belinda, no matter the race can say, "Hey, she's talking about me, I want to be a mage. I want to be exactly like Belinda Greene and fighting evil mages." I want to be something other than being reminded of being a Special Ed and being rejected by the very people I wanted to accept me.

So far so good

I have been spooked as a writer to the idea that maybe someone will try and think me a bad person for saying it, but I do not want to link any politics to my books. The truth of the matter is that the US has become so hostile to the ideas of outside the US.

I do not like being called a Snowflake for saying I do not agree with something and also it makes it harder to bring books to people outside us. The thing is that the US is just not my home anymore because I do not believe in hating a person.

When I think about it, it is how elves seem to think humans are pathetic and lesser beings, there is this higher than thou feelings. When I look at how the KKK and Neo-Nazis act, they are almost have this high and mighty belief of being better when they are not. I see them as lesser than those of the elves who at least do not use their own hate at times to hurt others. The truth is that when I think about the prejudices that I have seen and even witnessed, it hurts to know that my friends can't be treated equally.

As a writer, when I think about the characters I write about, I think about all the things that I have seen and experienced. I remember what it feels like to be told, "You can't," or "you're too stupid." I remember those things. I remember doing a short story and though it was rejected and I did not speak so warmly of the feeling of being rejected because apparently student magazines do not like posting the fantasy or sci-fi aspect of things, they are more into the realism.

I am hoping that those experiences of rejection do help.

The truth is that the US is now so alien to me, I am wondering if it is really worth my salt to stay and be published by an American company.

Suddenly reading McCaffrey, why did I not do this sooner?

My fiance made me take a challenge, to read Anne McCaffrey, and the funny thing is this is not the first time I was given this challenge. I was of course in high school when I was told by my father to try her out. I was of course 15 and not exactly getting into fantasy as much as I thought. Yes, reading Lackey's material became an addiction.

So now as I write my own stuff, I'm kind of going, what should I read now? I have put this off until my fiance of all people just dangled this in front of me. So here I am reading books and finding out my memories of a childhood listening to my father reading Dragonsong before bedtime dance right into my head. It is amazing how much you remember from picking up one small book at the library.

Thanksgiving Day Editing Nightmares

I cannot tell you how much I wanted to do some writing, but I was at my parents' place and forgot my my notebooks and somehow my nephew sparked some new ideas. He's such a great kid.

The Convention Success

Daku Con was amazing and I am proud of going to this convention, and there are times I thought I had not seen full frontal, but that's just that. There are a few sayings that I kind of said, "What goes on at Daku Con, stays at Daku Con."

This convention is certainly a con I will attend again.

Well...all packed and ready to go, I hope

I have not expressed how much I hate packing...but here it is, I am packing for a convention and getting ready to work on 3 panels. I was just thinking about what was going on, and I also have this weird thought in my mind of running into people from my past who seem to think it is a good time to make drama. I have avoided them, so I'm going to just sit and read through it and hope it does not happen.

The truth is that getting ready for conventions still makes it kind of nerve racking when you make plans and seeing REAL friends. The fact is, I'm also having to work on my book at the same time. So far, I know I will be up and ready for this by more than 1 pm, I'm going to be there before then to get in the hotel.

The truth is that the work has been slower than normal

Convention coming up and Editing issues

I started on part 2 of what my book is, though I thought it would be cool to start working on it shortly, I was wrong. I am kind of now feeling a little lost and I feel like sometimes I want to rip up my notebook, ugh, I write it by hand.

The truth is that sitting around right now getting ready for Daku Con next week is frustrating at first, but then I remember I am going to have fun and think about something fun. I have my Fan Fiction to Fiction panel, workshop and writing are going to be fun. I am hopeful we will have some mature writers and also people who are willing to share their works.

I do have one thing to say though, I know that writing smut must be fun and all, but rape fiction is not fun. I am sorry, but while I do write fan fiction, I would not think about fan fiction is suitable to write about real people. There is something about it that just makes me cringe.

Yes, I write Star Wars, Anime Fan Fiction, but I avoid writing rape fan fiction about a real person. I had a former friend who was a really into a J-Rock group. I was sort of turned off when she asked me to edit it for her. I later rejected it because it was something that I read that it was just not right to write that kind of stuff. So when I warn people to be aware that writing about a real person is not 100% okay and seriously hurts your writing.

On a lighter note, I was busily thinking that writing has saved the day for me...and my fiance made a joke and it really made me giggle.

Taking on too much? I don't know anymore

I have been working on a panel which is common for me, but for Daku Con, I'm working 3 of them. I was reading so much on the topics. I'm also on a goal for the next few years, the truth is I am not sure if I am going to do panels.

I have been wondering if I took too much on, but then again this is a normal stresser for me.

I have been emotionally worrying over things, there are somethings I have been scared of, mostly my political thoughts are something I try to hide from my writing. I am terrified of the idea that people will realize that I am of certain mental thought and I hide it from my writing.

I am not a fan of racism, the truth is, I find people who liken themselves as White Nationalists are not the audience of fans I want to be around. I am not the kind of person who wants to ever be around those kinds of people because they are cruel and not humane. I have more interest in people getting along.

Reading and....a movie, okay 2 movies

All right, I spent my days off not working on my editing and also decided to go to two movies, one was My Little Pony The Movie, I was deeply impressed with it. I was not sure what I would talk about it. I was reading the reviews of some of my friends and truthfully, I do not read them, I just thought it was awesome. I was extremely inspired by the fact that it was a kids movie, but also it was a movie that I related to.

The next movie was Tokyo Ghoul, a movie I had no real interest in but suddenly I realized how interesting it was. I watched the show a little bit, but I was not entirely interested, now I am. I was sort of like, okay, I need to watch this and pay attention again to this. I have not watched a good Japanese horror movie in a long time where the monsters were the hero.

The truth is that I enjoyed the movies and also hope that it helps me with my writing again. I have not spoken about movies again. I do not really want to deal with anyone else but my friends right now. I am now not looking forward to dealing with a certain former friend coming up and demanding something from me.

Going to a Convention in November

Well...I'm doing 3 panels at a convention, I have been preparing and excitedly waiting for the news, I am pretty much working my tail off. I have not said anything to many people about it, other than my friends on Facebook. The truth is that I know that people are still jumping to conclusions about what I'm doing.

The truth is, my fiance has about 7 panels and half the time I'm hoping that he is able to help pay for the hotel room that I am helping him with. I'm also working on a few other things too. I have edited and re-edited my work, but I'm still not sure what I'm doing anymore, I'm just getting frustrated. I am sure that it is just me needing this convention as a break.

I have been having some issues in my head about what is going on; I had a nightmare regarding a former friend showing up at the convention. Though I can see someone leading me away and the words, "You don't need to see this," the truth is, I don't know who is leading me away, but my fiance is the one blowing up. He isn't blowing up at me, it's at this former friend and about the fact that she won't let things go or about the fact that she was chased out.

How this all started was in 2015, with a faithful problem at the hospital and my fiance being sick, my former friend was someone who wanted me to be thrown out. She was not interested in improving my life, but she was more interested in making everyone follow her around. She actually wanted to declaw my cat, she wanted me to throw away things from my hobbies because she did not like it. So I decided to put my foot down, my friends did too.

I was asked if it was worth all this pain and my fiance said that Star Wars my hobby and this girl just wanted to take it all away. So in 2015, Lee and I decided and made a pact to never let these things happen again. To this day, I'm scared of her showing up, that she would make a confrontation, which she never has since because of my insolation of friends.

The truth is, that if I see her, I'm certainly ignoring her...she is not exactly what I would call a nerd, she's not even aware of what it is to be nerdy. All she cares about is writing porn

When you are out

I was getting inspired this afternoon and was walking the neighborhood, usually, I carry a camera and taking pictures. I get so much thought about my neighborhood. There are just so much I have to do...

Bet you can tell I love Halloween, it is still something that makes me happy that fall comes at all. I do Yule, but I have pictures of Halloween because I love the decorations. The costumes that neighbor's have some of the greatest ideas. I can't wait to see it.

Editing and mixing styles

Okay, I did something I never thought I would say, I was given the worst advice, the truth is, that my writer's support group is actually way better on advice. I made the suggestion of what I am writing and I need to finish it. The truth is that being told that I'm too sensitive. I am kind of to the point of just telling my ex to take a hit in the head.

I have been mixing Dahl and Prachett, yeah...I kind of did it as an exercise in writing. 

I keep politics away from this page

I believe I should not talk about such things on an author's page and truthfully, I have a right to that kind of privacy, but honestly, when I read a tweet from someone who is supposed to be a president about writers writing about him. Okay, personally, I don't write about people who are not of interest to me, that's kind of the point of writing fiction, I write about fictional characters.

I honestly, have no idea why I would write something about a person who hates to read books anyway and had to have a ghost writer to write his. Sorry, but I'm at least able to write my own stuff and I don't give two craps about someone who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips. Thankfully I will never be a 10 in his book (whatever that means) and nor do I care.

I want to write what I want to write, personally, when I see him attacking writers and journalists, I'm just going to throw it to the wind and say, "Fine,if I break the law, so be it, I will publish and I will break the law doing it." Books are not about destroying society it is about making it a new society with literate people.

I also do have my own opinions about a certain person named Milo What-ever-his name is. I don't rightly care, he is not going to read this and if he does, he can take his nonfiction trash and shove it. The truth is Dangerous is not a piece of literature that is worth the time of day, it is a just so-called, "Alt-right," propaganda and shows him whinning about how the world has mistreated him. Yeah, a 16 year old girl managed to get him fired from his job, so what, she had more guts to just tell it like it is. I have no sympathy for a person who can't handle the truth of his own situations.

He also does not like people of any colour and that kind of makes a mark on me because I have friends from all over the place and when his so-called followers turn around and bully someone because of their religion and their skin colour, it pisses me off. I feel like it just burns me more that I can't express how enraged I get. The people they are picking on could be a neighbor or friend, they could be a quiet couple sitting having coffee and these yahoos are treating them like a freak show. I do not know what it is like to be black, but I know what it feels like to see friends being picked on for it, it is not a good feeling.

There, vent done, I'm done talking about it! So let's get back to the updates on the book I'm working on. So far, I'm getting ready for two conventions, one being Mile Hi Con, in the area of Greenwood Village, the other is Daku Con in Auroria Colorado. So far, both conventions are local to me and I'm excited to be going.

I'm going to be hosting panels at Daku Con, so I am going to be busy as hell trying to figure out scheduling. I'm also going to be talking to Animeland Wasabi about the 2018 schedules, I'm kind of wishing to take a bit of time off for my writing, considering the edits are done and I will be finishing up a new short story for my Wattpad short stories collection.

In most honest way I can say it, the fact that I vented like this makes me wonder if I will end up getting in the hot seat when my politics are discussed openly. I do not like to discuss it that often and when I do, I do get passionate about rights for all people regardless of colour, religion and so forth. It is also hard for my to talk about how I feel while living under the roof of a Trump supporter who is also my landlord. If he knew I had a Muslim friends, I don't know what he might do, I do not see it as grounds for eviction. He does know I have friends who are African American, but he has bad mouthed my Muslim friends enough times that I'm thinking of finding a new place soon.

Research and More...

I was kind of tired of writing, and sometimes I forget to write something down. I was kind of having memory lapses as of late, but again, that is just me. Hurting due to a gallbladder infection and having been attacked by a former friend. Well...it happens.

I have been working on my book quietly and really haven't said a word to my friends regarding it, because of the problems.

My fish...and cat...

My inspiration to some characters are actually my pets, the funny part is my cat was a huge part of it, now I have three wonderful fish named Larry, Curly and Moe....the three stooges of fish. They are truly the most amazing creatures and recently, I ended up with a gunky filter that made things a bit hectic.

Now I have a cool as heck looking tank that I cleaned, with the help of a roommate and friend, Kyle and we are now going through and making sure that the filter is working and the boys are ready. I refer to my fish as my boys, they are....even though technically Larry the goldfish is actually a girl. LOL...kind of funny.

I don't post pictures on here for many reasons and honestly, I wish I had pictures of the fish and cat. My little buddies are the best thing that ever happened to me! The truth is that once I get the fish ready for transfer soon.

I never....could figure this out...

While I was writing something down, I saw a person write that we don't need books, we have the internet. That is a problem, I fear that some people are still feeling like that.

The Less Glamorious RESEARCH MODE

Yes, I have been digging around in some books on Japanese Mythology getting ideas and rekindling an old passion of mine. I have a few characters that are based on Japanese characters and sometimes even months. Though I don't really have sketches of characters I have worked on.

I have been wanting to do a picture of Marco the Mousling and see if I can make him kind of in what I think he should look like, along with Ms. Ripple the Vixen so we can establish what I'm wanting for my writing. The mystical creatures of the world I'm working on is still eluding more than I expected.

Eventually I will be introducing new artwork and also seeking out people who might want to draw up characters.

As for the work for Daku Con, it will be more about it when October hits and I'm working on character designs for future mock ups.

That nagging feeling won't go away

I was editing something and then my thoughts went back to the panel, yes, I have not said much of what it is like to deal with it. I do not want the drama of 2015 to come back and bite myself and my fiance who has no idea this blog exists sometimes. I have used this to express my desire as a writer to figure out what direction the Library will go and also how the book will look in the future.

As for book news, a new character was introduced recently and yes, I have not put him out for anyone to know who he is because well...the story is not quite hashed out. I have yet to develop his back story and I'm starting to think about doing character sheets for my characters like in Dungones and Dragons.

The whole concept of the writing right now is going to continue to bug the hell out of me.

Living with anxiety

I was thinking about all the shit I went through back in 2015 and the honest factor is that I'm to the point that I am going to throw it to the wind. I am just going to say, "So what...."

The truth is that back in the past, 2015, a certain former friend was trying to control my tastes, but she failed horribly. The girl is someone who I am waiting for to attempt to chase me out of a convention. That waiting is just something that may or may not happen.

Panels were accepted! Daku Con here...I come

The truth is I am very proud that I am doing panels for Daku Con in Colorado.This convention is amazing and I will be helping my fiance with his panels, but this is the year I will openly discuss Fan Fiction going into Fiction.

I am honestly not sure how I'm going to handle my anxiety considering that a certain former friend might be there. She has been attempting to be a writer herself, but honestly, she's the kind of selfish person who would claim someone would plagiarize her. The truth is, that I'm kind of nervous.

I'm hoping that I continue my work.

Preparing for November in August

I bought my tickets to Daku Con and also submitted my panels and doing work on a panel handout and a few other information items. I'm also working on some short stories on the side. I have been wanting to do fan fiction again.

I was working on several panels about Fan Fiction to Writing Fiction. I am hoping it is a success.

I was also looking at articles regarding something that I thought I would never think to bring up ever again about my past. The truth is that no matter how far I dig myself out of my great aunt's life, I'm still stuck with it. I have told people that many times I wish that my mother's aunt would just stay dead, she's been dead for so many years and when I people realize who my family was, I am always trying to say, "Not me!"

Watching MLP's newest Episode

While watching this I was upset at first, the first problems I thought is if I became a best seller, I had this fear that people would attack me over what I write, fictional as it is. I don't want to people to come to my house and start talking to me about how weird I am or how I'm not normal or that my characters are as they are.

The truth is that while watching this, I saw how much like Twilight Sparkles I am truly like I do not want to be like her at all, but it is the idea that I might be afraid to succeed. Success comes with stress, but I think as I continue to write the book, I know that people from my past might come back and hurt me because of it.

Starting on the Short Stories

I have been working on the Dragon's Library material, but I am also starting to work on a collection of short stories, mostly short stories. I am hoping to see new ideas for artwork for the library.

I will be going to Mile Hi Con, I have thought about writing for a living and for many reasons I do not want to go back again.

I know people might think I might write some expose about what happened to me, jokes on them writing fantasy novels does not count. The truth is I am waiting for two former friends to come out of the woodwork.

Maybe not going...

I truthfully don't ever want to visit England with the way things go, I don't support Donald Trump or the vies of hating someone based on race or religion, because why? Books and literature are more important and Japan has some pretty good literary contributions.

I had wanted to see Roger Puliver's office in England here he studied Kenj Miyazawa's poetry, but I'm thinking that is just a dream in itself. I would rather study it from afar than deal with people who think that as I am an America, I must have voted for the rat in office.

Right now, I'm waiting for Donald Trump to turn into the next Hitler and just see what happens, the truth is, I have had dread in my hear since the election.

Collecting my short fiction

I have been collecting my short stories and getting ready to post them on Wattpad and then continue to write some short stories to make a collection of my own. I don't really foresee problems. I am hoping though that whoever is watching my Wattpad that has been negative toward it would stop.

I'm kind of thankful that my Sarahha page has been otherwise been quiet.

Some more fiction

Yes, I am working on some fan fiction and more and then going through more. I am not going go discuss much on the matter. The problems I have right now are that ethnocentric...are there.

Submitted early

I had been doing a short story so I submitted my story early, which was only due on the 25th of August, which is fine. I have not said much on the projects I work on, but I am thinking maybe I should start submitting some stories and maybe something will get picked up. I'm not sure if I should say much more than that.

I was working on some parts of The Dragon's Library and was hoping to say much more, but I'm also preparing for Mile Hi Con and Daku Con. I have not said much about the conventions I'm going to because I am not sure who is reading my journal at the moment.

I have not said much on what I'm doing at a convention, but usually I have these weird feelings about certain things, one of which is a former friend. Usually she hangs with a good friend of mine, but she has the worst negative vibe about her, but when I see her at conventions I want to run away or at least say something because I never can understand her. She claims to hate Anime and yet she shows up to these things.

I am hoping that at Animeland Wasabi 2018, that I can run my panels because I have several panels that I'm working on.

New Project...

A few times I talked about a writing contest, I usually think that I might as well think it a punishment, but I have until the 25th of August to finish the project. I was actually writing a project story and I'm not entirely sure I want to enter it, but I will just to get a taste of writing a bit as a flash fiction.

I have not said much about the Dragon's Library or about other editing issues I have had for the last few times I have sat down to edit. I have thought about typing it up after this editing factor and talk to my friend to help me.

So here I am writing the new story and thinking, what do I do if I win? It is a trip to Japan and I'm kind of terrified if I go.

Tears to a singer

I don't listen to Linkin Park, but some of the songs do reach my ears from time to time, and knowing that Chester of this band is no longer here. It was a suicide and for the most part I was depressed and felt horribly about this news.

I was out with a friend and we saw the posts on Facebook and my heart just sank in so many ways at this, remembering a friend who left the same way. I don't talk to many people about what happened but a friend of mine back in high school who came out as gay committed suicide because he was tired of being tortured. I remember the news I got about it, and miss him.

I know the fans of Linkin Park are going to be sad for a long time, this was a great singer, and a great person, but he had his flaws. Goodbye Chester, you will be missed.

Recovery and Book Work....oh...roommate....again

When I thought I could heal from surgery, I have one new person moving in, he doesn't seem to be much trouble for me, he's living in the basement. So far though I'm working on my book on some point, but at other points, I'm trying to recover.

I can't bend over, so cleaning up a bathroom is impossible, same with cleaning a cat box, I feel sorry for the cat. Then I have to deal with people like my fiance and landlord who doesn't seem to listen too well. So far though I'm going to be working with more after I recover.

Though for a fact that writing is becoming much stranger and I'm inviting more characters into the story, there is a chance that the story might get more interesting. I'm to the point that I want to work harder on the story.

Surgery was what put me on edge

Okay, while I had to get a hernia removed and delayed me from writing yet again, I felt horrible and also having it made it worse. I also blew up at someone, but turned out to be truth that he was a bit of a psycho.

Also having no coverage until September is not going to help me much yet.

Also it came to my attention a friend of mine is having some problems with his Word program, made me think about this. If anyone needs to, there is a backup you can use called Open Office.

Here is the link: Open Office

The reason I recommend it is because when I need Word, I can't always get it, this is just something I can use in its place and I recommend it to anyone who is a writer that needs it. I have told people a few times that using it in place of Word, it helps.

Is writing Fantasy making you a Snowflake?

I was hoping to never discuss this at least for what I felt was just a troll online, I was told writing even what I love is considering making me a Snowflake. I'm terrified of writing and now I'm not sure what I should do. Should I continue with the book series or should I just hide the literature and hope no one makes a show of it? I'm to the point that writing or even being one is kind of a risk to one's personal life.

I remember talking online about being a writer and talking to an editor, I was happy about the whole thing, but even though the editor fell through, it was still worth while to see people say, "Hey, at least you're going to get it done." Then when all this stuff that is political happening, hostility got worse and when I told someone I hope that I could still write even with the hostility and the person called me a horrible writer and I'm not brilliant or great, I'm just awful anyway and no one will read what I have to write. Not only was I shaken hat someone who was a friend, suddenly turned into a terrible person, that I was suddenly not worth ever becoming a writer, that I am a pathetic Snowflake.

I started to hate the term and I think that it is best that maybe I should try and hide some of the works and yes, I know I'm trying to keep politics off this blog about my writing. I'm terrified of everything, and even if I'm successful, I'm pretty sure that I will fail because of my terrors and night terrors about writing and being called out.

The truth is, how do I know if writing is the right thing?

There are times I hate being distracted

After being trolled and voicing my opinion, I'm of the opinion that there is a huge problem when I think about writing on my own. I'm sitting in a corner wondering what kind of thoughts I can illustrate when I get people telling me online that I'm worthless.

I'm actually terrified of actually getting somewhere in my book. The truth is, even if I publish and it is considered amazing. I'm terrified of what would happen, I will suddenly get attacked for things and some of which I'm scared of the mental strain of what could happen.

Truthfully, I have thought about the sayings about insulting what is considered a "Snowflake" is okay. I have felt discriminated against before, and most times the discrimination is pretty bad. I don't want to be told I will never succeed. I got told that by several people who support something I can't be a supporter, they just hate on you for no reason and when you don't agree, it hurts at times, then you just realize that reasoning with hate is not a good thing.

After I blocked him, I realized what he wrote is exactly like the people who abused me online simply because they said being a writer is stupid. The sad part is I defended them too.

Paranoid about writing

Okay, back when I first started to write, I was given several threats regarding writing the Dragon's Library the first couple of times. I don't know why someone would think so horribly about it, then again,being told that if I write this, I would face a lawsuit. I was a bit paranoid about it and just thought, Okay, these people are either psycho or weird...so I'm going to write.

There are some other ideas I have thought about it, but I wondered if I should continue writing something, then I'm going to be writing on the story, but I'm still going to be looking over my shoulder. The honest fact is that having people who were former friends who think I owe them something, but I won't owe them a thing. I swear I won't ever give them a damn dime for what I do or what I write.

The truth is, I hate the fact that writing my own stories and working on my own fiction and honestly, i don't know what else I can do. I try to stay positive in my thoughts, but it is kind of hard when you go to a convention and get reminded of one thing, that your former friends will stab you no matter what you do.

Taking a short break and building a panel

I am starting on a panel on Japanese Urban Legends and some of the stuff I'm finding is otherwise giving me the creeps. Some of them I am just going to chuck up to my over active imagination. Truthfully I am finishing up some of the panel stuff as well as making it for Animeland Wasabi 2018.

I'm still a little annoyed that one person in my group of friends thinks he knows what he's talking about because he in fact has no idea what I'm doing.

The Influencing factor and mentally needing to type

Typing up a draft is like typing up a memoir of a mad woman, but that's just me, I have been wondering where to go with my projects at the moment. Summer has been busy and yes, I have been working at a new job and it has been kind of nice to not have to return to one work place to another that has a slightly more complex views of what employees are like.

The truth is, yes, I miss one family, now I have another which is worth while and I have now got friends who are just as priceless.

While hunting for an editor, my ex-boyfriend is out and now my fiance is telling me he found me one, but I have to start to really type up what I have. So far though I started to realize that something was oddly stressful.

The Book Issue

I was looking around my library books, and I realized I must have forgotten whether or not I should check out more books on writing again. Then again, I'm going to be returning to a writer's group that I had to leave due to bad scheduling. 

I am considering that writing everything I could about fantasy, but working on a side project on Wattpad. 

Basically watching inspiration....

I'm doing a day of rest and well....Forever Knight Marathoning, kind of hoping this will help my mind a bit, I'm on season 1 and working toward season 2. I'm still tired, but ready for a new chapter in my life to start, I have a surgery and also a few other things. Forever Knight Marathons have me thinking about how alone I really am in my interests.

Wattpad Project....

I'm taking a break from the Dragon's Library and I started work on another project of Furry Fiction called The Fox Magician series, which is more along the lines of Dragon's Library Planor and also a few other choice places. I'm kind of interested in how this story develops because this is the first story, where I"m going to not have a copy just on my computer, Wattpad will have a bit of the writing and I'm hoping people don't mind.

I might be doing this as well as The Dragon's Library. I don't mind if people like my characters, Devon Redtail and Silver Ringtail and go from there. I have been mentally hashing out the thoughts of the tale.

Here is the project: The Fox Magician

Looking at new artwork

I'm planning on making some more artwork, but I'm working on some new artwork for the books and also re-editing some chapters. The truth is though people are pissing me off regarding my personal views and I don't like expressing them to others, they are personal and not meant to be heard or said.

I am a writer who wants to stay away from others...

Inspiration and funny thoughts

I am laughing at my fiance's friend who is always complaining about his video games and sometimes have the song, "Bitch Bitch Bitch" from Jekyll and Hyde. I am kind of glad he doesn't hear me singing that because I would sing it just to tell him to stop complaining about games he has no control over.

June 9th countdown to a new job, I'm excited to not deal with the drama of having to be hen pecked anymore. The problems with people who seem to like to peck, I don't think she's even going to be noticing that she's chasing people away.

I'm kind of glad to start a new job and also work my tail off to get a great position and also work on my book a bit more without feeling stressed out.

Once again, inspiration....

Here I sit at 12:40 AM with no clue how to handle my work, I'm starting to think working on the editing. I was sitting down reading a book and sometimes I am thinking about editing issues I'm having with the book, I'm also wanting to do more artwork for the story.

The truth is, mental images of the places in my book are always similar, but I don't know much. I have been kind of putting off.

So anyway, here is a few other news, I have been putting this on my head too, I have been reading through my book and need to reread it. So far, I'm rewriting some parts, but not much is needed.

When you have a lot on your plate

I have been watching my friends on FB for awhile and yes, while you edit, you become ever so distracted. I was watching how a group calling themselves The Furry Raiders are forever in the blame or eye of blame for something, the truth is, they walked into a fire fight without much guard and got the horrible end of it. I'm not a fan of some of them nor will I support their actions, I'm still kind of burned up by how people treat those like myself.

I have sat through many a fire fight and some of it feeds into my writing a bit, but the honest factor is at least it is better than having some of my past dug up in front of me. Honestly, I'm kind of glad that when I think about all the bad people who crossed my path, none of them seem to be as bad as this. Then again, I don't even think they remember who I am anymore, because they're not part of my life.

When someone says....you can't...

Truthfully, I don't get the Alt-Right conservatives who think all Furry authors write porn, I have never understood that when I'm a seriously looking at myself in a mirror and reading what I write and start to laugh because evidently The Dragon's Library is hardly even qualifying as porn because er...it just isn't.

At the moment, I'm editing and the lights are flickering off and on a little, which means we have a minor power surge as we are dealing a snow storm. Yeah, the joys of living in Colorado, the land of maybe four seasons, LOL.

I was still laughing at the people on this guy's FB, Milo Yiannopoulos's page, he seems almost wanting to stir up an entire pot of discontent among everyone. His lot attacked the fact I'm educated, I'm a furry, I don't write porn and I am one of the most opposite people out there to what he expects people to think.

Truthfully, I hope none of his followers ever find this page because that's the last thing I really want because aside from trolls, I want this blog to be about writing this book and not about being someone I'm surely not. There are reasons I don't tell people much about what I'm writing.

Fan Fiction Helps

I'm doing a little fan fiction, and yes, I'm doing some research on a new Star Wars fan fiction. I was not sure why I want to write about a girl who finds herself in the worlds of Luke Skywalker and learning about the worlds around her.

Progress report....and a con

Went to StarFest for a day and had a great time, usually I only go for Saturday because there is so much more to do than just going all three days, that I get tired really fast. I enjoyed my day with friends and also started with seeing an actor I have loved since last year with The Magicians. I have taken a lot of looks into my own writing since I started reading Lev Glossman's book, and it is something that I take some pride in.

The truth is, that while I was there, I saw people I have not seen in awhile, most times I have avoided most confrontations and I don't talk about people who have hurt me. Though I was happy to see a former roommate smiling and enjoying himself, he looked happy, so I did well not to talk to him or even speak to him, I was too wrapped up in meeting Hale Appledon who is amazing, he's just one of those people I had to love.

I have been putting a lot of thought to my story at the moment and divided the worlds in a few ways, I have not spoken that much on my experiences, but I want to start working harder on the books and adding a bit more diverse language to it. I'm a bit flat on conversations at times, but when I go into characters, I want to make sure that everything goes all right for the story.

So I am thinking that this year's convention schedule is bound to change and I will announce it when the time comes.

The Vacation is Over

Yup, went on vacation and did some writing, but more I was having an adventure with a great six year old nephew, an amazing sister, and my dad. We were in Orlando from Saturday, March 25 to April 1st and that's no joke. It was the best vacation I have ever been on for awhile...and also getting some writing done was good too...now where did I put my notebook?

Not Okay Humor

I have been a furry for awhile, though I don't bring this up, but if you are going to read some of the Dragon's Library material, there are some furry characters in there. There are just some things from my fandom I'm not OK with and usually when people bring it up, even when I'm working on my books, I get rather bothered by it.

I might as well say it:
No, Furries are not pedophiles, though in the past we have had a few that come into our fandom and use us as cover, which is NOT OK! I'm not okay with that because it means we're treated like the cause of a problem that has predated our entire fandom. I'm not okay with even the thought about it, it is sickening to me and most cases repels me from speaking ot people who think I'm into that, when I'm 100% not.

No Furries do not have sex with animals, that's something completely different and to me that is just not cool. I'm kind of like eeewww when I think about it, sorry, but there are just some things about it that make me want to run away from you if you even mention it. At one time, I had a person on FB do that to me and I was like okay, I don't feel comfortable at all, and I just said, "Sorry to bother you then," and this person just got mad that I ignored them for half a convention after their online vent that furries were gross and bad. He was not happy that I showed up as Romania from Hetalia and did the photoshoot, but honestly, I was not sure how to respond to this person.

So now that is out of the way, I was hoping to say that even though I hope to one day be at Anthrocon supporting my book to all people, I was surprised to hear about 2 The Ranting Griffon. I'm not a fan, though I have heard his earlier stuff and found it funny. I was just a little bit disappointed with him as a person, the decision of Anthrocon to not have is their decision and I understand their decision from their perspective, some of the material that 2 does is a little out of base and not really nice. So I do agree that even as a guest, he is not really a good person to have for a panel or even a show. That's just how I think about it. It was the decision of the convention.

I have been in agreement with a convention before in Colorado for the ban of a certain person based on their own response to things. The reason I don't say anything on the matter is that the fur fandom really doesn't have much to say on her really, it wasn't a furry convention, it was just a con. The truth was that the Anime convention made a decision based on what some friends of hers did in the hotel, at first when I realized it, yeah, I was against it, but as I got to know the individual, I was soon saying, "Yes, it was a good decision, she is not a really nice person," the truth is, it wasn't personal, but when I actually realized how she responded with deciding to sue the convention and the hotel, that was the final say in my book of, Con vs her, the convention wins because they are not at fault for her decisions. There that's my thoughts on the matter of it.

If a convention were to ask me to come to represent my book and also my publisher, yes, I would do it, and I have to make a good face for the publisher, that's why I would do it. I would not make a poor decision as 2 The Ranting Griffon or the person who was banned. I am representing only my book, but the people that are publishing.

A WOW moment again

I returned home from work and wondered what I have to say on the matter of inspiration and it comes from a very simple source, a book series I read long ago called "The Worst Witch," it was actually the funniest little thing, predating Harry Potter.

The Worst Witch

I have always been a huge fan of the series and thought it was funny that I could watch a show that had a lot to do with magical worlds and giving a female a role that is not only hero, but also a klutz. I have always thought it was funny that Belinda strives for perfection.

When I was writing her, I was at first thinking of a character similar to Ethel Hallow, but it kind of turned the other way around, it was my desire to be prefect. Then I realized that in all the cases that Belinda is everything that is not prefect and that's about all I can say when I was designing characters.

Truthfully, when I was thinking about all the stuff I'm working on with the book, I keep forgetting to list the books that seem to bring me some great joy into writing.

Let's get started:
Eragon Series or Inheritance
The Magicians Trilogy
Harry Potter Series
Star Wars Expanded Universe
Magic Knights Rayearth Manga
Vampire Princess Miyu Manga (if you can find it, is out of print sadly)

Pretty much that's been a bit of what I like to talk about when it comes to what I'm using to inspire my writing some books are always the same to people. Usually you could see me at a library picking away through it trying to find Sci-Fi Fantasy and more. Most people don't seem to realize how connected I am to books.

What inspires me to write

Music! That's right I have a few links to music I have listened to while I have been writing...and some of it might shock you.

One is from the Anime Spirited Away: One Summer's Day

I have always been a fan of Joe Hisaishi and a fan of John Williams, but when I was writing my first opening to the Dragon's Library, I was mostly listening to this song because when I was a thinking about all the things it was just so easy to turn on a sound track on youtube and go from there.

Another favorite is from various piano sets, this is a combination of different songs, this is called: Best Relaxing Piano Studio Ghibli Collection 2016

If you ever ask me to post more music, I will considering I'm a huge fan of piano music and also love relaxing type of music.

Another favorite is Stunning Studio Ghibli Soundtracks (No Vocals) and it has always been inspiring to me as a writer. I don't know why I get so inspired with music from pieces from Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, and many more because they are just so beautiful.

I have always wished I could have continued to play piano, I was playing that as a child and went onto play the flute, I don't know why I never continued, I still have my flute down in my basement in hiding because I always felt scared of what people would say if I continued.

As I continue to write these pages of the journal, I think of all the music I have listened to while producing my own works. I would say the best is The Wind Forest from My Neighbor Totoro, it is one of the most amazing. It makes me think of Dreselia's mansion deep in Brook End's Forest.

I have yet to think of a soundtrack of the world outside of Dreselia's or even his home world because I have not come up with that so far. All of which have been the world of which Belinda and Dreselia are in presently, some of it isn't so normal yet so mundane.

As I write now, I'm always thinking of all the great musicals I have listened to and other great pieces that could be used to inspire my world.

Another great sound track that i have never really considered while I was writing actually is quite old, it is called Night on the Galactic Railroad, the piece is called Temo Finale. One of the writers that inspired me was Kenji Miyazawa, who was a writer in Japan back before World War II who actually wanted to come to the US even when his father did not like that idea.

While I was writing the interaction between Belsom and Dreselia this was always playing in my mind considering how the high elf acts, he reminds me of being a big like Giovanni from the story Night on the Galactic Railroad, but not so much. I was always going back and forth in my mind what would the two be discussing into the night and this is what I came up with while listening to this sound track.

The fact that music has a great deal to do with what I like to write about does help me sort out my issues with some writing. The fact I can go from Studio Ghibli to Night on the Galactic Railroad, then onto some other soundtracks such as Enya and so forth for the story I'm building.

The ever accidental...never mind, it was no accident

Gods, has anyone had one of those friends who cannot think to leave you alone for I don't know an entire day without calling and whining about their problems? Yeah, I have one and boy do I not like having a needy person for attention attempting to get my attention when I'm editing my book. I decided that I'm not taking my phone with me on vacation so I don't have to deal with him.

I'm kind of done with this whole I'm trying to work and then this annoying beep on my FB with him asking me, "How are you? Do you want to hang out now?" like I have nothing better to do than leave my work...never mind, yes, I could leave editing and revision for later, but still...I'm on a roll and I'm not going to be dealing with this.

Needy, needy...yeesh, get me out of the state faster please...this is worse than getting a phone call from an editor asking me the same questions I answered the last time they called. Ugh...at least this person isn't my editor.

Okay, I'm tired and need some rest, after dealing with a stomach bug for 72 plus hours and having to deal with this person whining at me to hang out all day yesterday without realizing that I am sick. Honestly, I posted it on FB several times I was not feeling well and needed to not be bothered.

My vacation is coming up and yes, while I'm working on the second half of the book, I'm going to have the exact same needy nancy asking me when I get back, "Are we going to hang out?" honestly, I want to keep this person a friend, but can I work on my book without distraction or without his neediness for attention and friendship consistently.

When you have a character in mind

All right near the end of the chapters of my book, I cast a mysterious new character, I don't really talk about this character and I have good reasons, you're going to have to read it for yourself when I come up with his name.

New characters have come into the story and yup, I'm pretty happy with my first Anthro character, a fox mage and of course we have a mouseling, which isn't exactly new, he's been in there since the first few chapters. LOL...I love putting a background character into a main role for a change, and I'm hoping I can do two spin off chapters with just these two wild characters.

Honestly, what inspired me to put in the mysterious elf, well...for one, my favorite character of all time since I was four years old. Luke Skywalker was the inspiration for my mystery elf, he's going to be kind of hard to name, so I'm leaving it at that, he's not exactly good or bad, he's just there to move the story. I might even have a name for him, if he actually shows up.

I just started writing into the second the book, so I can't wait to see where this takes me! YAY I'm getting ready for a trip and starting on the second half the book series!

Almost ready to start typing

After considering the fact that I have not finished part of my own editing practice, there are parts of the book ready to be typed up and edited on the computer. Yeah, I have the process of being slow as hell, but what can I do, I have been taught this process since I was I don't know a kid on how to write certain works of fiction and most of the time I just want to slam my fist into something and yell, "WHY IS THIS NOT DONE YET (insert my name here)!"

I'm kind of glad I don't have an editor looking at me wondering why the hell I'm such a stickler for perfection, well...blame it on the fact I had peer edited my childhood. There said it, I want to stick every peer editor of my childhood with a needle and yell, "HA!" And see what happens then again, i was sort of thinking they just edited me to death to get me to stop writing.

So anyway, here I am working on it while I was at lunch yesterday, yeah, I didn't quite eat, but that was fine, I had something waiting for me at home....boyfriend decided to cheat and we had Wendy's.

Anyway, while I was editing, I was thinking about something kind of funny, a threat of sorts that someone made me. It was a former friend of mine, one of which thinks because her mommy is a lawyer or something she can be all threatening. I'm actually not afraid of her, she can sue me if she wants over a work of fiction for slander, because honestly, I was working on this book long before I ever met her, and she knows that. I never told her much about "The Dragon's Library" but I didn't trust her enough to bounce ideas off of.

It is a funny though and I'm sure she doesn't read these things, but I would just shake off her law suit and tell her and her mother this, "Its a work of fiction, find me one thing in there that has anything to do with you and then we will talk," so truthfully, I doubt there will be a reason to sue me over a book. I'm sure that no one in the community that I left from. I could see whole group of these people who have a burr up their ass yelping about it.

A Decision has to be made, my line in the sand

After seeing what happened to a pleasant Australian author and a Holocaust survivor, I'm deciding to halt talks with any US publishing houses unless something can be worked out. I'm sorry to say, but I don't want to sound bad, but I find what happened to be unacceptable and I would not feel comfortable with something happening to me like that in their countries because of what happened to them.

I will however continue work on my book, but I am very much not going to talk to anyone from the US publishing agencies until we figure out how to combat something like that. I am sorry, but my personal politics is that I do not agree with Trump or his supporters who want to deport all foreigners out of the US period, that's just wrong.

Truthfully, I believe part of my family is from England and  Germany and my family are immigrants from the 1890s, not a fair assumption to state that my family is bad because of their heritage either. We are all immigrants in one form or another, the US is in such horrible state at the moment, I don't see how any writers can get anything written without harsh criticisms or horrible name calling.

Vacation is Coming

Near the end of March, I'm going to be out of the area of Denver, in truth that's just a plan that I have been having with family for awhile. I am in search also for an editor is not my ex-boyfriend, that is something I just can't have right now.

I have been going through my book and preparing to type up half the story and move it from one place to another, after a horrible thoughts of dealing with people over the last few days. What is worse is my co-worker, who has been sick, was actually lashing out at me and no realizing how she created a bad work place, she was actually surprised when a manager told her what was going on.

She had no idea how horrible I felt when she would put me down and she heard it from others that I was considering no going on vacation because of it, she flipped and told me I am going and that she was sorry. It was a horrible situation and she realized that no matter what kind of problems she had, she should never take it out on someone who doesn't want her upset but wants to stay working.

The fact is, she was not aware that I have been stressing out over finding an editor, truthfully I have not told my coworkers anything

Never been so...insulted! Art aside

Dear friends,
I am not a Trump supporter, I am a writer and I write my own fiction, not the standards of someone never reads a book, much less knows what its about...

I'm sorry to tell people this, but I can't support a president who takes the arts and thinks its only for the rich. I went to see several art exhibits with my father over the years and no greater artist is the one who is talented by no wealth at all. Wealthy don't need to know how to draw or to do what they do, they just have it handed to them, they don't know poverty or even what its like to be poor, they can just demand food.

My fiance and I don't have money all the time. Truthfully, it is horrible to see artists disrespected, so I'm thinking of actually delaying my book another few years because I'm sorry, but if Donald Trump wants me to be a rich person to publish, then he's sorely mistaken.

Sincerely,
M.M. Fenney

Back from Con and back to Work

No sooner I get back to work, I got a person tearing into me about going at all, then again, she had a wreck and I guess it must be that. The truth is, no matter what I do, I do it all wrong in her eyes, the truth is, I don't know what to do. Then again, when I start getting published, I think this girl is going to cause a problem, mostly going to tell me..."So that makes you a big shot uh?" or making snide remarks of "Whose going to read your shit?"

The truth is,  I get enough of that from people on FB who believe that no one reads anymore and that I'm just fooling myself, I'm like a fucking joke to them. I mention I love to write and I get people making fun of it, no matter what I tell them. I stopped telling people that I'm a writer...the truth is, its a hobby and I enjoy every minute.

I started work on the second book yesterday and during a break, but the truth is, I'm kind of scared of what will happen if I do get published. I'm terrified of what might happen if I am successful.

Honestly, I'm working on the new art work too

Putting yourself out there at....an Anime con

Yes, I was talking to a publishing company at an Anime Convention, I was sort of hoping for that whole, this can't be real...great...now what? I don't know, I don't have a business card, nor do I want one considering the last time I put one together, I must have thought it looked horrible. I have told no one of the plans, nor will I considering I kind of ran into a former friend.

I honestly hoped that she wouldn't attempt to be a downer, but honestly, I'm kind of glad I didn't say one word to her, and also considering my phone is changed, no harassing IMs. So I'm kind of glad she didn't look on here either, then again, I doubt she would read a journal about writing and its trappings, she's already convinced I'm too old fashioned.

Oh well...so far, the convention in itself was actually kind of fun, I didn't stay at the hotel ,but I'm returning next year and running panels. I have run several over the year, but I had to take a year off last year to gather my thoughts.

So far, I'm planning on doing one on Japanese Horror Movies and Anime, I'm Over It; A Guide to Handle Drama and Fandom Shinangians, and Fanfiction to Writing My Own Fiction. Sort of an idea of what I'm going to talk about next year.

Editing while upset

As I am no fan of our president, I did not vote for him, I had to sit through his new Supreme Court nominee thing and it was sickening. I wanted nothing to do with it, considering I was waiting for Jeopardy, but it seems that even watching that never cooled my nerves.

I am sitting there in a break room brought out my book while eating some bread and drinking a soda, editing Chapter 4 or 5 of my book, I'm sorry, I was too tired to think only to write down and edit, so that was my mind set as of yesterday night.

I said nothing to anyone about how I felt until later, I'm sorry to put my opinion on here, I'm trying to keep this about writing a book, but I'm am just going to say it now. We are a nation of immigrants, majority of the US citizens have had one or more family members from another country. It is sad to think that we as Americans are now doing what was promised not to do after World War II.

I have Muslim friends who are not terrorists, who have come here as exchange students who want an education that we offered them, now they are told they cannot even enter the country?

I'm sorry, but I did not vote for this president, I do not believe in any of the things he's doing...I am truly sorry for anyone who are reading this from any country. I'm trapped here and I feel the horrible feeling of discrimination against people that I have no hate toward.

I'm going to go back to writing, but still...this is the horrible feeling of watching the news and wondering why...when I have never felt like this is my country anymore.

This writer needs her breaks...

A long editing session and writing session is like a pain when your wrist decides it will hurt for more than a few hours. Being left handed has its worst perks ever...not to mention that moment when you look at your hand and see the black stain of black ink on it and as you go wash it off, you are then back at the service desk. Talk about the mood breaker, I was glad to get my two days off, but ended up not doing anything but watch TV and do laundry.

Much is the life of a person who is often time having a million things running through my head and end up watching old WWII Documentaries and wonder how the hell I get attracted to these things? LOL...yup that's what I do when I'm left on my own and my fiance/editor is out doing his side job. So you can guess that my life is about as interesting as can be.

For the most part I am waiting for "The Magicians" to return to TV and I could enjoy it again, it is one of the few things I love to watch on Sci-Fi channel now called SyFy. At first I was thinking oh great a Harry Potter knock-off, but as I watched, I realized it had much more to it, then I read the book, and have read it and re-read it from time to time to get inspiration for my own writing.

I suppose the fact I admire Lev Glossman and his world and the great many characters and my personal favorite is Eliot.

So there you have it, my day in a nut shell.

Watching and writing

I was writing up some ideas recently when I was brought to my attention that being sick is not an excuse to not do anything. So I was not sure how to say this, but sleeping through some of the illness did help, but this cough is going to be around for awhile.

I am getting ready very early for a trip to Orlando, FL, but it is not for writing reasons, but I am hoping to do some creative writing work while I'm there. I'm not sure what I can bring with me, but I'm editing everything and getting ready to hand off the manuscripts to an editor near May or even June, if that is possible.

I'm going to be working on some artwork too for the story, I'm not sure how people are going to respond to my artwork, but that's just me...I have not been drawing for awhile because I have not felt the desire to draw, but now as I work on the story, I'm getting more and more enthralled to write and draw characters.

Troubling my past

Writing for me is a break from my life, and honestly, I don't love my past as much and getting messages from people while working is not fun. Truthfully, unless its my editor who let's face it, loves to get on me for this or that, I'm not going to get into details over that, considering he's also my fiance.

I'm to the point that I have not been honestly thinking about writing for a few days considering that I'm still plotting a trip to Orlando with my nephew and working on fun stuff. I'm no entirely sure what the hell is going on at the moment.

The message from a person from my past is a little annoying, but I'm like, okay, M.M. you can handle this kind of stuff, don't think it bad. Truthfully, it was more guilt trip than anything else, I just remained quietly hopeful this person finds their path. I know he's a person who might say this is slander, but I hope he finds his way and not think so ill of people who have hurt him. I moved beyond that and I'm thankful for it.

Yes, I have people in my past I dislike, but I don't go very far with it, I just sit there and shake my head as they make asses of themselves, while I just watch. It is not my place to say anything against them or do anything, I can say my peace of my disappointments in life, but I'm not going to talk anymore of these people who have hurt me...I write what I feel in my heart in a book, not the doubts of those who doubted me.

When I started this project I was angry at being hurt, at having people force their lives into mine, to block me out or walk all over me. I stopped wanting to make those connections again and made new ones that have been stronger and much more fulfilling, friendship is about meeting people who make the movement to understand, not change the person to suit their needs. Running away may not be an answer for the said person who contacted me, sometimes facing facts, knowing that being a jerk did something to them that made people hate them. That's what matters...

When I was thinking of the fact the library was built on my desire to shut out the world and then build a world of great magic around me, yes, it was selfish, but then I started to make a story. I started designing characters within that world and making sense of it. This is my therapy for losing friends over the years, this is my hope that people who went through the same pain find it too.

Writing and.....I don't know what I just saw on my newsfeed?

I was sitting at my house doing some minor work on the book and I was also glancing at the newfeed of my FB, just out of I don't know...just curious I guess. I saw a press conference that turned into an utter joke, I didn't turn on the sound because I was kind of busy and I didn't want to hear that trash...

I try to keep this page as nonpolitical as possible, I'm a writer not a politician and that's just not place, I just saw CNN and it was just wow...what future do any writers hold fiction or nonfiction? I'm not entirely sure, if this continues on, I'm scared of it.

I will continue with my work and hope to gods that once its met a publisher, I won't have to deal with the horrible thoughts of individuals who doubted this...what do I do?

Happy New Year

Yeah, its 2017, and 2016 left a sour taste in one's own mouth, so I'm proud to kick that year behind and move onto something new and better. As for the book work, yeah, I'm editing and redoing a part and then sitting down with the second book's rough draft and seeing where I'm taking it. I have a clear idea of the purpose and who it focuses on considering what I'm doing.

As for this years convention schedule, its been kind of pushed to the back burner as it were, Mile Hi Con and Myth and Legends Con are still a must, I'm attending to visit other great authors again. Hope they're having a great New Year already.

So that's the report