The Fact a Friend, Hates it

 Okay, I am not going to be nice to someone who is clearly homophobic and also has no idea what I am working on. I have had to stop and rethink ever allowing a friend to beta read a part of the book I am working on. This has caused me to want to pull my hair out and to realize that my friend has no idea what I am working toward.

He utterly gave off the air of a homophobic idiot when he mentioned two characters who are yes, GAY, were not all over each other. To be honest, they are normal people, they have jobs, they don't hold hands all the damn time. They live together, sleep in the same bed, but guess what, they're not HORN DOGS! They're actually mentors and friends, they project outside an air of professionalism, something this person seriously needs to look at when talking to other GAY PEOPLE! 

I have never been so offended in my entire life, to be honest, I was raised around a gay man as a child, he acted just like any other concerned parent. While not my parent, more a babysitter, Tim was a model for how I thought all gay men acted. They work, they talk to men as maybe a potential date, but also as PEOPLE. He treated even a straight person like my parents like they were friends. 

I became rather offended and I wanted to blow up, but somehow I just went on Facebook and attacked C.S. Lewis and that stupid Lion of his. I viewed my former friend, who shall remain nameless as that idiotic LION. I had no idea how to respond other than the fact this person just could not get it through their head that he is utterly misplacing the characters' identities for what he sees on TV or stereotypes.

While I was hurt and not entirely sure, he was saying that I was focusing on an adult audience which I shouldn't be doing. He said as I am a person with a learning disability I should focus on CHILDREN as an audience and abandon Dragon's Library for a has-been story. 

"You should consider writing something like Captain Underpants, or something more toward your mental strengths," of course that wasn't exactly as he said it, but it certainly sounded like it. My brain was shot, I mean I literally just could not handle it anymore. I had enough! 

While I just took a break from the friendship and basically just put him down as, "yes, someone I know, but don't associate with." He made me out to be feeble-minded, this broke my heart, I was now just not sure how to handle it. His wife who is a friend asked me what was wrong because I had ignored her husband's critique entirely and blew up. I don't even care if he sees my blow up, he just ruined my views of my own work. 

As of late, I have replied, "It's complicated, I don't want to talk about it." I am not taking the posts down, but my heart is broken. I want to write my book MY WAY! And to be told my characters need to be removed because oh my gods they're gay is freaking awful. 

Forcing me to gender my nonbinary characters who by the culture I designed don't pick their gender for themselves until adulthood, has not to be discussed yet even on here. I have been waiting on that. I am now just not sure how to deal with it. 

Now that I wrote it out, I am still pissed, I'm beyond angry with the people who discuss this like its a joke! 

Aside from the Drama, the Series Note on my book

 I didn't exactly go into detail last time about how much work I am doing, the side stories which take place in the Planor along side the main story are starting to take some center stage. I did not intend that to happen and while I understand that might not be what was supposed to happen, it did, now I just have to run with it now. 

I did however think about moving some of my shorter stories onto a different medium and make these strictly Wattpad, but then I saw the insult about it. I am opting that Dragon's Library shall remain Kindle to Print set and then work toward the story telling aspect. I'm still curious as to how this works out. I am going to be seeing that it remains something fun, I am also provided my own artwork too. 

I have not spoken to many people regarding it, but someone was not so nice to me about it in the past, but that kind of unpleasantness is not allowed, so I am going to continue to draw. I have no idea how else to say it. I just hope that when I get some of the artwork finished up I can start showing it for the novel, I am going to say that some of the artwork is not entirely there because half of it was not present in the novel. I am re-releasing the first book with the artwork and the poster art that I think will be suitable. 

Slightly freaked out, but moving forward

 I have avoided talking about this person, but I honestly feel like he's just going to show up more as the summer progresses. I have hid within that bubble that COVID-19 built where everyone had a distance of safety, but with the fact he's wandering around, I'm freaking out again. 

The person in question, well...he was and is a copycat to a point, I want to be a writer, he wants to be one. I want to work on a cosplay, he must do so too. Ever since 2007, this guy has been a rock in my shoe, and truthfully, I have been a good sport about it until 2019 it finally became clear that something had to happen. 

While I don't want to go into a detail, what happened to me was pretty much being stalked. For starters texting me about how he doesn't think its fair that I go out with my female friends and we do a Girl's Day Out type thing, where he believes he has a RIGHT to go even when told no several times. He gets upset when told that I was not looking for a boyfriend! 

I honestly don't want to whine about this, I don't honestly want to get mean about it, but something has to give. I have tolerated a neckbeard since 2007. The truth is, he can't accept I am getting married, he can't accept the fact he's not the person I want anywhere near my nephew. I'm terrified of taking my nephew to a convention and suddenly have to confront that fact that this guy is there and he will want to be part of my life. 

He already got upset that I ignored him, he panhandles and when ignored, he decided to get off at a different stop, then get on the same train yet again. This time I am just to the point that I want to run and hide from him. I'm waiting for him to show up and then demand I get off the train or be forced off because he acts like he owns it. 

I have never understood why he believes I am in the wrong when he was the one doing wrong. He accused me of stealing cameras, which I have not, some of which I bought, one was a gift, the other I inherited from my sister. The truth is, he would tell people I lied or that I cheated someone out of the camera. 

The honest factor is that my friends mean the universe to me and this person would try to take that away from me. He already made not want to come to work or even live normally, he has made me want to run away or at least cry my eyes out if I see him.

The other issue is that most times when I reported it or tried to, the proof I give doesn't even work at all, people just say I led him on. I openly rejected him in 2011, I friend zoned him in 2016, I outright blocked and ignored him in 2017-2019, then May of 2019, he literally ruined everything, he said he changed, then nope he didn't. I was basically told that his word is more important than mine. I left groups on FB to find something better, I wanted nothing to do with the Colorado Anime Community because his lies just made it impossible to function. 

Now that its 2021, I feel like I just went backward, that he's just going to PRETEND to be a friend and then use that to make more crap up. I wrote my book and yet, I fear he will say I plagiarized him, when all he does is Anime Music Videos. 

I have not spoken on my book on here, and I have zero clue if that jerk even reads this blog, so if he does, I'm going to point it out. Yes, I know you lied to me, I know you tried to tell me you changed and then decided to become possessive and not allow me my friends. You also pretended to by my boyfriend, which you are not. You have attempted to cause drama, you attempted to throw me to the wolves when you didn't get your way. 

I know you attempted to try and gaslight me, then reworded, "No, I won't consider you if I am ever single," you should have ACCEPTED IT BLINDLY! You should have accepted being friendzoned, you should have accepted being IGNORED you should have accepted the fact that I blocked you. I only unblocked you because I know you too well, you ignored me which I expected. 

Then 2020 happened and you started to follow me, you lied to Sage Tan and I to block and ignore him too. I know that you will read this and then tell people in the Colorado Anime Community you're the victim of slander, which isn't when its the truth. 

You followed a minor around when she was 15 and you were 24, you didn't cover that up too well, she told me the whole story and also how you wouldn't leave her alone. You also was extremely homophobic even though you claimed you weren't. Yeah, you didn't cover up the fact that I figured you out and decided to just expose you. 

While I wrote my novel you got upset that I was focused on writing about a world you would never understand because you don't read. 

I can say my book is doing well and I am glad I did what I did, I'm not going to lie about that and I am going to make an entire blog post about that. 

I guess I will blog here

 While I know that nobody in my house knows about this blog, I guess I can write about how I am feeling and about the work I am doing. I waited awhile for this, but honestly, I think that I might be single at the end of this year due to the actions of a certain friend who is now moving further and further to being a former. 

This morning, I was getting ready for work, I was just using the bathroom, while my roommate has promised to fix the running issue with the toilet. The person in question knew this as well is sleeping on a cot in the basement. 

As I was grabbing my things to leave, he storms upstairs and starts to yell at me about it, I was stunned and thought I left the sink going, but it was the toilet. Basically I felt like I had to now walk a mile to a Circle K near the bus stop to brush my hair and teeth, because I made too much noise 

My fiancé acted as if I was blowing this out as drama, so I guess the relationship is over. I am now single, not that I wanted that now. It is his choice and while I now I have to find a new place to live because my roommate doesn't want me without my fiancé around. So I am now just finding out that I am losing my home and I just lost the relationship all because my fiancé's friend yelled at me. 

I think I am just going to state it, "I will never date or marry or love anyone other than a cat." I will just make my statement that if I have to be single, I'm going to be MISERABLE to be around and just be mean to every potential male or female who doesn't qualify under MY standards of what I want. 

How I see it, I am going to be so damn picky that even making friends will be harder. I don't want to ever be hurt like this again, I really think all people who are from Castle Pines CO, Parker CO are ASSHOLES! 

I never want to go there even if it has pretty places to take pictures at, I know that for a fact that it is just full of ugly people who have no love in their lives. 

I wish I could write something more positive and feel like the entire world around me is just a misery for me to be here. I love how I used to smile and pretend that being yelled at was OK, but it isn't anymore, my fiance calls me toxic. Well, this is a toxic place to be in, so I am just going to build a wall that he can't scale to get to me, I'm just going to be in my shell.

Even if I stay in the relationship, I want to be distant as I can be now, even if this friend is present, I just want to grab my stuff and disappear or just go into a different zone when it comes to me. I think that if I start to distance myself from everyone and just be as secretive as I can, I won't be hurt like this again. I don't blame my fiance he was not the one at fault for this, but his friend was. I will never blame my fiance for the actions that his friends have done. I tried to fit into their cookie cutter, and I can't do it, I'm just going to be a recluse.

I decided that I will just leave all the groups that my fiance and I are in and I just have to walk away from the idea that we're a couple unless we're in public. I can put on the show of the happy girlfriend but I will just be pretending to be someone else as long as they don't notice. I put this act on before when I was around my former roommates.

The other solution is hide behind my writing and just write my novels and pretend nothing is wrong with these people. Just become a hollow shell and not really do anything about the problems anymore, just pack up things and just write whatever I want and hopefully nobody finds out about it all. 

I know for a fact that my fiance doesn't know about this blog and I know he won't bother looking for it when I am just plotting ways to just exist and not exist at the same time. The fact is I gave up on the Lord and Lady Blessing me for anything, I just have to work really hard. 

I figured if I work harder now than ever, I won't get hurt again, I just feel like this was ruined all because of something I had no control over. Now I have to figure out what I am doing with my life, I just know that I can't stay with my fiance anymore, I know we can't be a couple anymore because it is just too hard to be together now. 

While I know that we have been a couple since 2010, its been an amazing 11 years, but sadly it has to come to an end eventually. Nothing ever stays the way it should, and since I'm too flawed, I can't be with anyone.

I picked the one person I felt was it, then it just fell apart, I'm at fault for this and I honestly know that it will always be me. I can't fix it and it will just have to fester for a long time, I hate my life, I always lived in my sister's damn shadow, and yet...why did she have to be the one to die? It should have been me. If I had died, nobody would have missed me or had anything nice to say about me. My sister was more active in the family, I was just the stupid dreamer and Star Wars fan loser. 

The dream of writing a book is the most stupid thing I ever came up with, no one will read it and I know no one would want it to continue. I just felt the need to write down as much as I can just before I have to leave this blog. 

Truthfully, I wish I could have found something better with my life, I write a stupid novel and yet here I am just wondering if I should just tell people I'm talented at all. 

While I think about this, I wonder what will happen, if I stay, I have to endure more emotional distrust and hatred aimed at me by a person who thinks my existence is bad. Or if I just chose to look for jobs in another state like I am looking through my company, I don't want to leave, but I know for a fact that stay with these people, I am just going to be treated like I am drama.

I am also going to cease working on projects at home and go out as much as I can to build up income to leave for good. I know I love my fiance, but the relationship is dying and fast, I feel like its just not a good thing for either of us. I love him, but I have to think what's good for us both for a change.

Had to Switch Accounts

 Due to work, I had to change this account to work with my work account so I can get a certain application to work. I can no longer use this blogger unless I am at work for whatever reason. So for those getting book news I have a new blog so I will be getting that to you as soon as possible, if you go to LJ: NagiNaoe101, you will find more information. Thanks for following me

Went to Denver Pop Culture Con

While I usually write all the time, I am still a little tired at times of these kind of things, but it was a must see event. I am still tired from yesterday and laughed a little at the idea. I'm a bit on the road to getting the final bits of editing done. As my Tumblr is saying it, I am ready and I will start typing it again.

So I am going to post a few pics of what I have seen.

As I am a weakling for The Magicians series, I had to go see Summer Bushil and it was awesome to meet the woman who signed my copy of the book. ^_^ I am very pleased with that and inspired.

So as you can see, I am finding other fans of the show, so I am totally pleased! I am happy to see the fact that we are out there.

Now I must get to the grind stone of sorts start working on my own story. I am setting up my space again in my room and we will be preparing to type up the story I have worked so ard on and there will be more artwork. This is my excitement!

Hello! I'm back!

All right, so apparently, I lost my author's page on Google+ oh well...I will be working on a new author's page soon, and might be putting it on...FB. So far I am not going to be going into detail of what I have been doing the last few months, most of it has been working on panels, other on my book...the rest is just me sleeping.

I am battling a head cold so I am not entirely awake while writing this. V_V Sorry but that happens when you are ill.

Other than that convention news I will be at StarFest 2019 on Saturday and hanging with my sister. We are horror and sci-fi buffs so no lie this will be the best ever, its the first time we sisters are seen in public and she has met people in my crowd.